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Archive for the ‘Egypt’ Category

Full disclosure – Egypt is not a period I have much interest in, so my knowledge of it is pretty sparse. I doubt I would never have looked into this book outside of the fact that one of my Amazon friends reviewed it and received a bit of a slap from the author who took umbrage with her thoughts on the amount of sex in the novel:

“William Klein says:
If Tara, from Utah, disliked my novel because of an excess of sexuality, I would urge her to avoid Norman Mailer’s “Ancient Evenings.” If she wants to be a custodian of public morals, intent on policing the world of novels for unseemly references to sexuality, that is her business, but it’s not the best way to flesh out the value of a novel.”

Hmmm, wonder what the significance is for Tarah being from Utah and what that has to do with her opinons (oh I get it). I for one appreciate a reviewer letting me know if the sexual content of a book is OTT or not – all the better to make an informed reading decision. Although I forgot all about it until lo and behold a *review* shows up on Goodreads that instead of reviewing the book attacks some unnamed reviewer:

 

“They really aren’t as bad as she makes them out to be and one wonders what her agenda is. I mean, she has taken a lot of time to write all of her one star reviews.”

Sooo, at this point in time I’m fired up enough to see for myself and since the library (fools they are) had purchased a few copies I placed my hold. Big mistake. Huge. I made it to page 110 and finally had to give up. Yes the sex was bad – frankly I was afraid there was a ménage à trois coming up with the monkey but thankfully that didn’t happen. Whew!

What “done me in” was the most unbelievably bad drivel I have ever come across. Words can’t describe the simplistic silly plot that doesn’t even make sense – there is just no story or character continuity whatsoever. If it weren’t for the sex I’d recommend this for a five year old. On second thought, perhaps not.

As far as I was able to gather, the story is about Princess Ankhesenpaaten who at fifteen is set to marry nine-year-old Pharaoh to be Tutankhamun. I believe eventually when she is widowed there is a big power struggle and lots of nasty deeds and family treachery. In the first pages, The Princess is more interested in men, sex and drinking at the local tavern. She escapes from the Royal Palace and meets up with the young set (I am not kidding) and heads for the local tavern and gets royally soused and does the hurdy gurdy in front of everyone (no, I am not kidding) and incites the men to mad lust. Then there’s some kind of attempt on her life and our intrepid hero saves her and voila (!) they end up at some lake or river and do the nasty and presto-chango they’re madly in love and our snotty child abusing heroine (more on that shortly) is the sweetest thing since honey on bread. And I’ll buy that bridge in Brooklyn…..

As if bad writing and storyline wasn’t enough to send the book flying the copulating dwarfs most certainly did – let alone what our Royal Princess did to young Tut (remember now he’s just nine) when she and her handmaidens attacked him in the bedroom and raised his night shirt (Pages 31 and 32),

‘Ankhesenpaaten pulled his covering hands apart, pointed to his little peeper and filled the room with her laughter. “It looks like a toad! A dead toad!”‘
Ankhesenpaaten took hold of his peeper. She held it between her thumb and forefinger as though it was something fished from the Nile. She gave it several quick jerks. “Little toady goes Peep! Peep! Peep!”‘

 

And this is our MC who we’re supposed to care about? You remember the author’s comment I quoted earlier about “unseemly references to sexuality”? Ye gods, if that’s not unseemly I don’t know what is. Fear not, it gets worse for we’re soon introduced to her Aunt’s (auntie she calls her) pet dwarfs Pere and Renehen (pages 81 and 82):

‘His fingernails were allowed to grow long and curved so that his hands resembled the claws of a bird of prey. His cock hung between his legs like a large dark desiccated gourd….. The dwarfs faced each other and gyrated slowly…. The object of interest was the dangling gourd between Pera’s legs…..Menkhara stared at Pera’s extraordinary organ…. The room shook with roars of approval as Renehen amused the guests with one of her favorite tricks called the Kingfisher. It consisted of a running leap onto Pera’s huge scimitar cock, a performance that if improperly executed, could main one or both of the participants.’

Had enough yet? I sure have. My only question is who are those six people giving it glowing five star reviews on Amazon? We’ll probably never know but five of the six have only written one review ever and the last has written three. Get it from the library if you must, I’m glad I did. I’ll now sign off so I can wash my brain out thoroughly with soap and water.

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